( she can't help but stare as he removes his helmet- that he would. ... and to help her, at that. there's something that hangs in her mind for it; gratitude, awe, confusion, longing, a desire to understand matched only with gratitude and glee that forms a probably strange cocktail of emotions at the fringe of the bond. she wants to reach out and brush hair out of his face, to make him look at her properly, but she refrains.
there is much she cannot understand without the truth only he knows. and as he makes his stance clear, with the lick of fire, she can only smile ruefully. )
Do you think that you are the first to do me harm? ... I don't know what the future will bring. But if I am the only one... then I know I will forgive it.
... Regardless... thank you for what you are doing to help me practice. I know it must bring you great discomfort.
[So many emotions flicker through their bond, clipped and churning though they may be. He does not understand them. Devoted to her though he may be, he does not think himself as worthy. Not of her gaze, and certainly not of her desire. Yet though the virtue was never beneath his purview, he feels greed, the urge to take what she is so willing to give.]
I know I am not. [He forces himself to look at her as he speaks. It is part of their lesson, after all. Still, it is difficult to hide the revulsion like this. He has seen it all, the untold suffering she had shouldered and wrought in turn. Some part of himself yearns to cut down all who had lain hands upon her. To do so would be to strike himself down, and he knows this all too well.]
Any discomfort I feel is but a drop in a lake.
[He has witnessed so much worse. Suffered so much worse. He will manage this.]
Then you should know I have a habit of crawling back to my feet regardless. It's alright.
( really, she's so used to being hurt and moving on without a word that his own guilt is strange. she's not sure how she feels about it at all. but he won't let her offer comfort, either... it's not fair, honestly. to hurt so blatantly and not let her do a thing to help however she can, all while holding her into the light like this.
she finds herself at a loss almost, because otherwise all she can see for the two of them is taking in circles. )
... There is... a lot about this place. About the people here. But I care deeply for all of them- I currently run our clinic, alongside some other healers. I hope that you can find the same here.
[Given their bond, he can feel those faint flickers of frustration. In turn, Lily will likely feel another wave of guilt. Visibly, his throat bobs as he swallows, before forcing at least some of his memories to the forefront. Bodies of cookies falling, both those he had once served and those he had stood against. With each slash, his dough grows darker and darker, until he becomes tainted forever more.
He hopes this is enough to explain why he hesitates. Why in the face of her light, he feels unworthy of her kindness.]
... There is much that this place has to offer, that much is clear. I am glad you have found peace, despite it all.
[He cannot even muster the urge to feel anger at her "abandonment." His own experience showed it was not by choice, after all.]
( she has kept a distance as it seemed to give him... something, but... as she closes her eyes, watches the crumbling, she remembers as well. the fires of the oven, the sickly feeling of dough, wrath. visions of someone else's jamshed as she haunted memories of memories, untouched by war and yet still there- the fall of cities, the fall of kingdoms, all while a manifestation of her own pain and fury couldn't help but laugh--
she opens her eyes again and reaches out to cup his face gently in one of her hands, ignoring the sting of pain bone-deep as she moves. )
If I am somehow worthy of kindness, of grace and love all granted to me by those around me both at home and here, so are you. Please remember that much, if you will not allow me to offer anything else.
[How easily he forgets. Once, he reviled her for these memories, these sins. Now, a cold comfort seeps through them. They have both done terrible things. How silly it must have been to spurn her, knowing he had failed just as readily as she had.
He does not shy away from her hand. Instead, he lowers his head. Even if he will submit to kindness, he will not see himself reflected in her eyes as he does it. It is still difficult to stomach. The only problem is that his mouth is no longer obvious, defeating the purpose of speaking his words aloud.
Instead, they flicker through their bond.]
How long did it take you to reach that conclusion? [He knows her. He knows them. It cannot have come easy.
But before he can dwell overlong on the thought, he feels that pain cut through. White Lily might seek to ignore it, but instinct drives him to seek it out. He lays a hand not against her fingers, but her wrist, as he tries to search through their combined memories.]
... I am still trying to learn it. But there has always been someone who was by my side through every mistake and hurt, to pick me back up again if I could not do so myself. When I thought I lost him for good- ... I had to learn to give myself that love, too, if only to survive. And that meant also accepting it from others.
( pure vanilla cookie... even now he does not remember, but. even before the grove, he was always there. forgiving, healing, loving, accepting.
even now.
and then when she had been torn apart by grief, the town had come together for her- vash tending to her garden, flamebringer bringing her food, joshua taking on a larger share of the work at the clinic, and shadow milk trying to make her smile again. ryan and min-gi's gentleness, passenger's quiet kindness, mephisto trying to help despite being so young. it all flits by, leaving her heart warmed even now. no, to deny them the love hey show would be cruel.
she looks over curiously as he examines her arm. )
... Oh! No, no it wasn't. ... Something... was wrong with me when I was first baked. My dough was weak, and with it came pain I can never heal. It is better, some days. When I was much younger, I couldn't leave my bed some days...
[Silent Salt's mind wanders, to a face that had stood by him even at his lowest. Knowing what became of him, of all that he had lost as a result of his own defilement, he feels an ache well up within his chest. It becomes all the more pointed when he considers the depth of her words, to have someone at his side when he was at his lowest.
Perhaps he had been a fool, but with no other options, when his own banishment was the cost of sparing the rest of the world, what could he have done?
Still, the ache only grows when she mentions loss. Through it all, he cannot help but relate to Lily all the more. He almost wants to ask what he should do, but pushes it down for the time being. He has already borne his vulnerability once.
Besides, there are more pressing matters to attend to.]
Soaking within salt reduces inflammation. A juice bath laden with it, perhaps...?
[Man who has not realized that bathing in juice does not produce the same effect here...]
( lily perks up, blinking a little- it seems every day she learns something new! )
Ah, I didn't know that! I've made salves to use beneath my wraps for my arms since that's where it's the worst, but...
Oh, and these bodies and their maintenance is similar but different... water which once harmed us is the key now, while soda and juice don't help outside of consumption. The bathhouse will have everything you should need, though?
( he's. hes a grown man, she's sure he doesn't need her to explain how to wash himself, right...? )
[This feels... more than a little shameful. He is a centuries old being, after all. it should not be on his progeny to tell him how to bathe of all things. It is a miracle, at least, that she's informed him of as much now, rather than down the line. He's only just arrived, after all. No time to be a stinky salt creature.]
Regardless of... that matter, you should consider properly soaking your hands, at the very least.
[The gratitude is... unexpected. It has been so very long since he has done anything worth being thanked for. He had killed those who used to love him for his efforts after they had sunk a knife into his spine. Now with every bit of jam marring his armor, with every crumb that had stained his soul, he feels unsure how to handle it.
His head bows once more, and lifts only once she speaks again.]
I do not know how you have adapted so readily. You seem... comfortable. [Which is odd, once he thinks about it.] I only just saw you, as I remember you. Yet you are unchanged, and know me not.
Well... from my perspective, I've been here for a year and a half now, give or take. I woke up on the beach in the summer, remembering re-sealing the Silver Tree... and have spent much time adjusting since.
( ...
she wants to know him. she wants him to sit beside her and not before her, to know who she is without dark enchantress's war hanging overhead.
You still have much you wish to accomplish on Earthbread.
[This puts to rest any doubts he might have had earlier in the evening. She still remembered her duty, locked away though she might be. It is all he could ask for in this situation.
Yes. Even before I can consider more selfish requests, I have much to atone for still, and... Dark Enchantress Cookie must be stopped.
( and then there is of course the matter of what will befall the faerie kingdom- she loves it so, but she knows she is no queen. so much to do. ... though his reactions have been strange. she knows pure vanilla was able to win over shadow milk upon his arrival to the grove, but...
lily hesitates for a moment. )
... This community is very kind and accepting. Even... Even your fellow Beast, Shadow Milk Cookie, has changed. He's calmer now. Relearning how to... be. I have watched warlords find gentler paths here, despite the torment we endure.
It isn't a guarantee, of course... but...
... The kindness of the people here will surely reach anyone.
And this is why I have chosen to follow you. You understand what must still be done, even now. Wherever you may go on this quest, I will follow. [He pauses.] I can only hope you will forgive me my delay in reaching you.
[Silent Salt lapses into quiet. He considers those additional words, mouth shifting into a frown. The souls here sound not unlike the myriad cookies he had once known. His beloved knights would have enjoyed them, he thinks. And that thought only makes him feel all the less worthy.]
Their efforts would be better spent focusing on others more deserving.
[That's about all he'll say about that. He does make a note on Shadow Milk but... He will need to take the time to observe as much for himself before he goes and believes in it.]
( she listens to his words ringing in her soul jam, watches how his expression shifts. so somehow she proved herself and her cause to him... and as a knight, he has sworn fealty in turn. she can feel a faint echo of bitter regret, and she thinks back to everything else she's glimpsed from him. his lack of love for himself, the trials he's hinted he put her through, the confirmation of pain he's inflicted...
and yet he stands by her. kneels before her.
after a moment, lily sets vernal on the chair and slides out of her chair, joining him on the floor and gently reaching out to touch his face in her own wrapped hand once again. )
[Some part of Silent Salt is inclined to lean away. The only reason he bites down on the urge is the fact that her hands are wrapped. She will not be tainted by him like this. Even still, it feels like fire surging down his face, mildly unpleasant and loathsome at its core.
Despite this acceptance, he cannot help the way his lips turn down in a snarl.]
Then you know me not. In time you will understand that I do not deserve such kindness. Not after all I have done. Not after how I have failed.
[Her words from earlier echo in his mind. Silent Salt does his best to thrust them back out.]
Your heart remains kind after all it has been through. Mine has not. This is where I have failed, and you have succeeded.
[His gaze falls. She is right, of course, but it is so very difficult to admit. His tongue feels like lead in his mouth. His mind roils at the mere idea of being held in such high regard by someone that he does not deserve.
Finally, he angles his head away from her hand.]
It is too much to ask of me, White Lily Cookie. I apologize.
[Absently, he reaches for his helmet.]
I should leave. There is much I have yet to understand of this place. I cannot be of use to you if I am blind to the world.
( ah, she overstepped. she's always had trouble seeing what's too far or what isn't. it's... hard. that she even hurt her other half this way is terrible to consider. but she doesn't stop him, because... is it her right to do so?
she watches for a moment before sighing softly. )
I'm sorry. I've spoken out of turn. ... Please, be careful out there. And... I can leave the connection going, so we may find each other as needed.
[Try though he might, he can still feel the surge of regret through their connection. It only causes his guilt to multiply. Quick though he is to shake his head, he knows the damage is done.]
You have said what you felt necessary. Your kindness, undeserving though I may be, is appreciated. [A pause.] Please... do keep it open. I should like to know if you are ever in need of assistance.
[Maybe he is selfish, asking such of her. But he does not linger long enough to know if it is the truth or not.]
I will. And- I work at the clinic, and stay at the gingerbread house! You can find me there!
( and then he's gone.
...
marble harumphs and curls up on her since she's on the floor, head in her lap and the firelight flickers. she idly pets the large cat while vernal whines softly before she looks to her staff.
to her soul jam.
it stays attached to the staff through magic and will, so when she gently reaches for it, it comes to her hands easily. the door stays open, as he asked- as she wanted, too. maybe...
she holds the gem close to her chest, like an embrace.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2025-11-17 06:06 am (UTC)there is much she cannot understand without the truth only he knows. and as he makes his stance clear, with the lick of fire, she can only smile ruefully. )
Do you think that you are the first to do me harm? ... I don't know what the future will bring. But if I am the only one... then I know I will forgive it.
... Regardless... thank you for what you are doing to help me practice. I know it must bring you great discomfort.
no subject
Date: 2025-11-17 06:14 am (UTC)I know I am not. [He forces himself to look at her as he speaks. It is part of their lesson, after all. Still, it is difficult to hide the revulsion like this. He has seen it all, the untold suffering she had shouldered and wrought in turn. Some part of himself yearns to cut down all who had lain hands upon her. To do so would be to strike himself down, and he knows this all too well.]
Any discomfort I feel is but a drop in a lake.
[He has witnessed so much worse. Suffered so much worse. He will manage this.]
no subject
Date: 2025-11-17 06:39 am (UTC)( really, she's so used to being hurt and moving on without a word that his own guilt is strange. she's not sure how she feels about it at all. but he won't let her offer comfort, either... it's not fair, honestly. to hurt so blatantly and not let her do a thing to help however she can, all while holding her into the light like this.
she finds herself at a loss almost, because otherwise all she can see for the two of them is taking in circles. )
... There is... a lot about this place. About the people here. But I care deeply for all of them- I currently run our clinic, alongside some other healers. I hope that you can find the same here.
no subject
Date: 2025-11-17 07:11 am (UTC)[Given their bond, he can feel those faint flickers of frustration. In turn, Lily will likely feel another wave of guilt. Visibly, his throat bobs as he swallows, before forcing at least some of his memories to the forefront. Bodies of cookies falling, both those he had once served and those he had stood against. With each slash, his dough grows darker and darker, until he becomes tainted forever more.
He hopes this is enough to explain why he hesitates. Why in the face of her light, he feels unworthy of her kindness.]
... There is much that this place has to offer, that much is clear. I am glad you have found peace, despite it all.
[He cannot even muster the urge to feel anger at her "abandonment." His own experience showed it was not by choice, after all.]
no subject
Date: 2025-11-17 07:40 am (UTC)( she has kept a distance as it seemed to give him... something, but... as she closes her eyes, watches the crumbling, she remembers as well. the fires of the oven, the sickly feeling of dough, wrath. visions of someone else's jamshed as she haunted memories of memories, untouched by war and yet still there- the fall of cities, the fall of kingdoms, all while a manifestation of her own pain and fury couldn't help but laugh--
she opens her eyes again and reaches out to cup his face gently in one of her hands, ignoring the sting of pain bone-deep as she moves. )
If I am somehow worthy of kindness, of grace and love all granted to me by those around me both at home and here, so are you. Please remember that much, if you will not allow me to offer anything else.
no subject
Date: 2025-11-17 07:52 am (UTC)He does not shy away from her hand. Instead, he lowers his head. Even if he will submit to kindness, he will not see himself reflected in her eyes as he does it. It is still difficult to stomach. The only problem is that his mouth is no longer obvious, defeating the purpose of speaking his words aloud.
Instead, they flicker through their bond.]
How long did it take you to reach that conclusion? [He knows her. He knows them. It cannot have come easy.
But before he can dwell overlong on the thought, he feels that pain cut through. White Lily might seek to ignore it, but instinct drives him to seek it out. He lays a hand not against her fingers, but her wrist, as he tries to search through their combined memories.]
Is this the work of the Forest as well?
no subject
Date: 2025-11-17 08:06 am (UTC)( pure vanilla cookie... even now he does not remember, but. even before the grove, he was always there. forgiving, healing, loving, accepting.
even now.
and then when she had been torn apart by grief, the town had come together for her- vash tending to her garden, flamebringer bringing her food, joshua taking on a larger share of the work at the clinic, and shadow milk trying to make her smile again. ryan and min-gi's gentleness, passenger's quiet kindness, mephisto trying to help despite being so young. it all flits by, leaving her heart warmed even now. no, to deny them the love hey show would be cruel.
she looks over curiously as he examines her arm. )
... Oh! No, no it wasn't. ... Something... was wrong with me when I was first baked. My dough was weak, and with it came pain I can never heal. It is better, some days. When I was much younger, I couldn't leave my bed some days...
no subject
Date: 2025-11-17 08:58 pm (UTC)Perhaps he had been a fool, but with no other options, when his own banishment was the cost of sparing the rest of the world, what could he have done?
Still, the ache only grows when she mentions loss. Through it all, he cannot help but relate to Lily all the more. He almost wants to ask what he should do, but pushes it down for the time being. He has already borne his vulnerability once.
Besides, there are more pressing matters to attend to.]
Soaking within salt reduces inflammation. A juice bath laden with it, perhaps...?
[Man who has not realized that bathing in juice does not produce the same effect here...]
no subject
Date: 2025-11-17 10:09 pm (UTC)Ah, I didn't know that! I've made salves to use beneath my wraps for my arms since that's where it's the worst, but...
Oh, and these bodies and their maintenance is similar but different... water which once harmed us is the key now, while soda and juice don't help outside of consumption. The bathhouse will have everything you should need, though?
( he's. hes a grown man, she's sure he doesn't need her to explain how to wash himself, right...? )
no subject
Date: 2025-11-18 12:03 am (UTC)[This feels... more than a little shameful. He is a centuries old being, after all. it should not be on his progeny to tell him how to bathe of all things. It is a miracle, at least, that she's informed him of as much now, rather than down the line. He's only just arrived, after all. No time to be a stinky salt creature.]
Regardless of... that matter, you should consider properly soaking your hands, at the very least.
no subject
Date: 2025-11-18 01:01 am (UTC)( there's a genuine warmth and appreciation there, but she's also politely giving him a moment to be recover. )
Don't feel ashamed for the adjustments. It is a very harsh change that you couldn't have possibly expected!
no subject
Date: 2025-11-18 03:54 am (UTC)His head bows once more, and lifts only once she speaks again.]
I do not know how you have adapted so readily. You seem... comfortable. [Which is odd, once he thinks about it.] I only just saw you, as I remember you. Yet you are unchanged, and know me not.
no subject
Date: 2025-11-18 05:52 am (UTC)( ...
she wants to know him. she wants him to sit beside her and not before her, to know who she is without dark enchantress's war hanging overhead.
is that selfish? )
no subject
Date: 2025-11-18 06:20 am (UTC)... I imagine it was difficult, arriving here filled with such grief.
[In any case, he does not seem to mind lingering here in this moment. There is much he should do, but being in this moment... it is not so terrible.]
no subject
Date: 2025-11-18 06:35 pm (UTC)It still does, as much as I have come to love the people here.
( ... )
This place will change you, beyond the physical shifts. I am... unsure, if you are prepared for that.
no subject
Date: 2025-11-18 11:47 pm (UTC)[This puts to rest any doubts he might have had earlier in the evening. She still remembered her duty, locked away though she might be. It is all he could ask for in this situation.
Her own statement, though, gives him pause.]
... What do you mean?
no subject
Date: 2025-11-20 12:37 am (UTC)( and then there is of course the matter of what will befall the faerie kingdom- she loves it so, but she knows she is no queen. so much to do. ... though his reactions have been strange. she knows pure vanilla was able to win over shadow milk upon his arrival to the grove, but...
lily hesitates for a moment. )
... This community is very kind and accepting. Even... Even your fellow Beast, Shadow Milk Cookie, has changed. He's calmer now. Relearning how to... be. I have watched warlords find gentler paths here, despite the torment we endure.
It isn't a guarantee, of course... but...
... The kindness of the people here will surely reach anyone.
no subject
Date: 2025-11-20 02:02 am (UTC)[Silent Salt lapses into quiet. He considers those additional words, mouth shifting into a frown. The souls here sound not unlike the myriad cookies he had once known. His beloved knights would have enjoyed them, he thinks. And that thought only makes him feel all the less worthy.]
Their efforts would be better spent focusing on others more deserving.
[That's about all he'll say about that. He does make a note on Shadow Milk but... He will need to take the time to observe as much for himself before he goes and believes in it.]
no subject
Date: 2025-11-20 02:06 am (UTC)and yet he stands by her. kneels before her.
after a moment, lily sets vernal on the chair and slides out of her chair, joining him on the floor and gently reaching out to touch his face in her own wrapped hand once again. )
What if I think that you are deserving?
no subject
Date: 2025-11-20 02:12 am (UTC)Despite this acceptance, he cannot help the way his lips turn down in a snarl.]
Then you know me not. In time you will understand that I do not deserve such kindness. Not after all I have done. Not after how I have failed.
[Her words from earlier echo in his mind. Silent Salt does his best to thrust them back out.]
Your heart remains kind after all it has been through. Mine has not. This is where I have failed, and you have succeeded.
no subject
Date: 2025-11-20 02:16 am (UTC)( she will not stand still in her- in their path so he can rot in guilt. what good will that do anyone, most of all him?
which is to say
fucking bet. )
no subject
Date: 2025-11-20 02:23 am (UTC)Finally, he angles his head away from her hand.]
It is too much to ask of me, White Lily Cookie. I apologize.
[Absently, he reaches for his helmet.]
I should leave. There is much I have yet to understand of this place. I cannot be of use to you if I am blind to the world.
[Any excuse.]
no subject
Date: 2025-11-20 02:27 am (UTC)she watches for a moment before sighing softly. )
I'm sorry. I've spoken out of turn. ... Please, be careful out there. And... I can leave the connection going, so we may find each other as needed.
...
Be safe.
no subject
Date: 2025-11-20 02:30 am (UTC)You have said what you felt necessary. Your kindness, undeserving though I may be, is appreciated. [A pause.] Please... do keep it open. I should like to know if you are ever in need of assistance.
[Maybe he is selfish, asking such of her. But he does not linger long enough to know if it is the truth or not.]
no subject
Date: 2025-11-20 02:34 am (UTC)( and then he's gone.
...
marble harumphs and curls up on her since she's on the floor, head in her lap and the firelight flickers. she idly pets the large cat while vernal whines softly before she looks to her staff.
to her soul jam.
it stays attached to the staff through magic and will, so when she gently reaches for it, it comes to her hands easily. the door stays open, as he asked- as she wanted, too. maybe...
she holds the gem close to her chest, like an embrace.
maybe he will feel it, too. )